Saturday, October 18, 2008

Long hard night...


It's times like this that I am grateful for blogs! When you are grieving it makes it a lot easier to tell a lot of people whats going on without talking face to face. Last night at 11pm I was able to get a hold of an on-call doctor since my doctor wasn't in the office. After explaining my cramping and other symptoms he said I should go to the ER. So off to the hospital Kane and I went. After urine samples blood tests, fun IVs, about 45 minutes of Ultra Sounds and hours of waiting we found out that I am currently having a miscarriage. If I don't bleed heavily in the next ten days they need to do a DNC. Of course we were heartbroken, no one else in my family has had miscarriages and I am 12 weeks along! I thought for sure I was safe since my last week of my first trimester was this week! We got home from the hospital at about 2:30 am and I finally got a few hours of sleep. I know miscarriages happen a lot, however, I have never been close to anyone who has had one. I didn't get to see my last ultra sounds but my mother n-law was there and she got to see them my baby stopped growing probably about 9 weeks and then finally died last week since I had a sudden burst of energy and my morning sickness was gone. Anyways here is an ultra sound of a baby at 11 weeks, its obviously not mine but that's what it should have been when it passed last week. I think the hardest part is knowing that it is still inside of me and I just have to wait for it to come out. Anyways thanks for listening to me grieve and on a happier note I'm not going in to work today so I am going to finish making Bradley and Katie's Birthday cakes, that will hopefully help me take my mind of of this. I'll post the cakes tomorrow when they are officially done. Love you all!

12 comments:

~Cynthia~ said...

Oh Kelly, I'm so sorry. I can't possibly know what you are going through since I have never experienced such a loss, but I can only imagine the grief and heartache you are experiencing. I know nothing anyone says can possibly make things better, but know that you and Kane will be in our thoughts and prayers.

Jen said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how excited you were for this baby. Let us know if there is anything that we can do for you.

~Cynthia~ said...

Please excuse me misspelling your name. One of my pet peeves is people not being meticulous about making sure they get a person's name right and then I go and type it incorrectly. In my job I type Kelly clamps a hundred times a day and it is just pops out of my fingers that way.

Mike & Kira said...

Kell I'm sorry. I don't even know what else to say but I'm sorry. I know that no words can make you feel better, but just know that I'm here for you and if you need someone to talk or cry to I'm always here. Love you

Ang said...

What a beautiful ultra sound of your sweet baby, thank you for sharing this part of your life with us. I am so sorry and hope you know how much we love you.

grammasheryl said...

I'm so sorry you guys. This is one of the hardest things you will ever do. You were probably too young to remember, but JoLyn lost 2 babies, so I'm sure she can relate.

I don't know how often she gets on the blogs, but I know she would want you to know about Share. http://utahshare.org/

You might want to check it out. We love you both.

Ang said...

I am an idiot, I just was re-reading your blog and realized that was not your ultrasound. But I do absolutely love you and am thinking of you.

Grandmajoann said...

My darling Kellie and Kane, what a disappointment for you. We were all so excited for you. We will all try and help you through this, but alwasy remember, that Heavenly Father has a way of taking care of things for us, and maybe something was wrong with this dear little one. You will be in our prayers, and hope the Birthday Cakes helped you today. We love you.

Scott and Shay said...

Wow...I am SOOOO sorry! I can't even imagine what you're going through right now. I will keep you in my prayers and if you need anything please let me know.

Matt-n-Jef said...

Kelly, I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I can't even imagine the mental anquish you are going through. I was so happy for you both. Jo has gone through the same thing a couple of times. When it is God's will, you will enjoy the blessing's he has bestowed upon you both. Think of it this way... Those who pass away young or never to know this world are the lucky few who didn't need to be tested,and were already written in, "God's Book of Life" to live and meet you in the after life to live life eternally.

MBond007 said...

Kellie!! I'm so sorry to hear about that!! If you need anything at all!! I don't live to far from you guys just let me know! You'll be in our prayers!!

tilleyjo said...

I don't know where to start...Please call me if you ever need to talk. utahshare.org is a really great place to go when you are feelling like nobody understands your heartache. I know that I lost my babies a long time ago (Emily wouldbe 16 this Nov. and Tyler would be 13)Not one single day has gone by that I don't think of them. As time goes on the tears become fewer and farther apart but you never forget. Also, remember that people say stupid hurtful things that sometimes make you more upset, like(your so young you can have another baby or everything happens for a reason) We already know this, but we wanted this baby. There is not a replacement. I could go on forever...but I won't. I am so deeply sorry. I have learned over the years that it doesn't matter if you are 6 weeks along 15, 30, or 40 weeks. A loss is a loss and it is devistating. Please let me know if I can do ANYTHING for you. Both of you. I mean that sincerely. I love you! Be good to each other and consider each others feelings during these hard times.